I have been called a “Hipster” by many people, but I don’t think that I am one though. Yes, I do listen to obscure music and wear skinny jeans, but that is where my affiliation with the hipster subculture ends. In my opinion there are two factors that determine whether a person is a hipster or not; the music aspect, and the fashion aspect. I personally see myself to be only adhering to 1.25 aspects of the 2 aspects that determine if someone is a hipster; which is fine by me because apparently girls find hipster boys attractive and hot, so by being labelled a hipster, I have increased my chances of scoring with the sexy ladies.

A hipster is a person who is regarded highly for their eclectic music tastes; they are always on the lookout for new music, but still have a strong respect for older music as well. To find new music, hipster folk listen to independent or college radio stations (here in Australia hipsters listen to Triple J, and the presenters on the radio station are regarded to be music gods, even though they have no discernable musical talent), read various music publications (such as Pitchfork, NME, Triple J Magazine, Q Magazine and virtually every other music publication that has not had Justin Bieber on their front cover or homepage), and look at the millions of music blogs that exist on the internet (you are looking at one right now, although I don’t just write about music............obviously). To find old music, hipsters are usually found in independent music stores (not in JB Hi-Fi or the CD section of Kmart), and once you enter the store, I can guarantee that the hipster will be in the vinyl section of the store flicking vicariously through the large amounts of records on offer.

By dedicating this time and effort to finding new and old music, hipsters can brag to all of their non-hipster friends (hipsters usually hang out with other hipsters, but I am presuming that a hipster would have at least one normal friend), explaining how they have found the next big thing in avant-garde Hip-Hop, or how they have discovered a new genre of music called Witch House (if I was writing this blog post in 2010 I would have said Chillwave instead of Witch House), and they would show their friends the limited edition vinyl of Kraftwerk’s first album (the vinyl CD would also contain 3-D cover artwork, demos of all the songs that feature on the album, B-sides, and cover versions of all the songs on the album by now forgotten 70’s disco bands, as well as the album itself.........................which has been remastered so that the backing vocals on all the tracks are actually cat noises that the band recorded in their homes while being stoned). Hipsters also brag about how they knew about indie bands before they became mainstream; telling everyone how they knew about Foster The People more than a year ago (I actually told people that), how they listened to Gotye’s songs and albums years before he had his “hit song” (I also told people that), how they heard La Roux months before they had their “one hit wonder” (I told people that, and I made it very clear that I had heard other songs by them as well),  how they knew R.E.M when they were actually a indie band (if I was a teenager I would have definitely have told people that), they would tell people how they discovered Adele before she was famous (I actually heard her three years ago and hated her), and how they were listening to Dubstep before everyone else was(I was actually listening to it when I was 13, no joke).

A hipster’s worse nightmare is when their favourite band enters the mainstream. In the 70’s hipsters would have cried tears of sadness when Kraftwerk started entering the charts, 80’s hipsters would have a nervous breakdown when the Cure became the biggest band after spending years under the radar, and hipsters from the 90’s would have committed suicide when Nirvana suddenly became the biggest band in the world (it was ridiculously sudden, not even psychics would have predicted the revolution that was about to occur). I have experienced the pain of my favourite band of my primary school years became mainstream, Gorillaz. It was only meant to be a side project for Blur lead singer Damon Albarn and cartoonist Jamie Hewlett, who both collaborated to create the world’s first virtual band. Their self titled debut album was moderately successful, it surpassed all expectations, but wasn’t an out-of-this-world success. I absolutely loved this band from the start. The band could loosely be described as Hip-Hop, but they combined Hip-Hop, Rock, Electro, Pop, World and soul music together in a strange combination that became the Gorillaz trademark style. Their second album, Demon Days, was released in 2005 and is still one of my favourite albums of all time. The album was a massive hit; thanks to the success of the debut single Feel Good Inc. The song was number 1 on charts around the world and suddenly my favourite band, my little secret (it wasn’t that secret, they weren’t exactly an unknown band), was now known to the whole world.

The second aspect of hipsterism (is that even a word???), is the fashion side. Without hipster fashion it is hard to tell whether a person is a hipster or not. Male hipsters typically wear the following:

• -        Loafers or Doc Martins shoes (or just any shiny shoe)
• -        Skinny Jeans
• -        Chequered button shirts
• -        Cardigans
• -        Scarves (not completely necessary, but they make you look more like a douche, which is what the objective of hipster fashion is)
• -        Glasses (again it’s not completely necessary, but even hipsters who don’t have any problems with their eyesight wear them)

A  As a result, this is what a typical male hipster will look like:

Female hipsters follow the same fashion style as male hipsters, but they wear “cute” shoes with heels and colourful, arty dresses. Personally, I find female hipsters to be very pretty and super hot; I don’t know why, but I have a thing for them. Just like how some guys have foot fetishes and schoolgirl fetishes (that kind of thing creepy, because if you want to see that type of porn you have to be over 18, and therefore people who look at schoolgirl porn are paedophiles), I have a thing for hot hipster girls (I don’t think that type of porn exists, not that I have tried looking it up or anything). When you type “hot hipster girls” into Google images (with safesearch on, of course), this is what you will find:

Hipsters are cool and uncool at the same time. They are cutting edge and ahead of the pack in terms of music and fashion, which makes them cool; but they also don’t listen to the same music and wear the same clothes as people who are generally considered to be cool, so they are uncool. I have actually come to the conclusion that Hipsters do not exist, because there is not a way to define a hipster; they are just a stereotype that everyone else (who isn’t a hipster), has created. So therefore this 1,236 word blog post is pointless and stupid..................................great.